Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
