and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
