If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Is it because I queefed?
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
