I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
