i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Randomize
