Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
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