Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
