Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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