Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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