I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
