You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
