That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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