4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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