And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
