Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
