and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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