I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I love having hate sex.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
