Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I wish I only lived at night.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Randomize
