Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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