Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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