The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
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