Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
