I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize