you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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