the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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