I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
