Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
