we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
