We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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