I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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