is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
