I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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