For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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