you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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