My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
