but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
