Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
