How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
