There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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