babies were throwing up all over the place
I am spending my child support on dildos
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
