Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
