she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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