eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
