Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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