So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
