I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
