did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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