if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
