How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
My cat gives me a boner
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
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