fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Randomize
