your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
that's an acceptable place to lick
We got so high we made milksteak
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity�
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Randomize
