Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Randomize
