Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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