Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
