clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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