How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
