I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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