My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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