Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
