you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
This is the prime rib incident all over again
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
