just tell him i said nine months
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Randomize
